Mind Your Manners

Is it just me or has basic courtesy gone the way of the dodo? I’m not saying I’m Miss Manners incarnate, but would some basic manners kill anybody? Personally, I’d have spent a lot less time this week wanting to kill a few people if they had displayed even a modicum of manners. So, in the interests of public safety, here are some helpful hints.

* There is a mysterious word now in vogue that actually induces people to want to help you. That word is PLEASE. For best results, accompany with EXCUSE ME.

* When you ask for something and get it, say THANK YOU.

* If you are asking for a favor, ADMIT IT.

* If you are in a bitchy mood and are, therefore, acting like a bitch, APOLOGIZE.

Wilkommen im Cabaret

As my regular readers may have noted, there’s been a strong pull towards the burlesque in my blogs of late. Mainly due to the fact that I thought I was the only one who loved this stuff and just recently found out there’s a whole world of us out there who adore it.

So imagine my delight yesterday when talking to a woman I’d just met and I learn she’s the artistic director of Spiel Palast Cabaret! I should have known even Burlington would have an underground scene...

How to Make Your Own Balloon Burlesque Costume

Don’t you hate it when you want to seduce someone with a burlesque routine and don’t have anything even remotely appropriate lying around for a costume? I’m sure we’ve all been there. Well, incredible lingerie designer and all-around creative genius that I am, I managed to throw together a stunning burlesque balloon costume in no time at all and I am going to share the how-to with you.

Why? Because I know I’m not the only girl out there who likes to play dress up. And I guarantee my man isn’t the only one who’s dreamt of dating such a girl. Of course, for my lucky sweetie such fantasies are now his daily fare. Which explains his constant smile. But, I digress …

Here’s what you do for an instant burlesque costume:

1. Choose your favorite sexy bra set. Strapless works best, or you can tuck the straps into the cups, if you have to.

2. Buy some balloons. Round or oval ones, and try not to get “water balloon” balloons, since they are pretty small and you’ll have to blow up a ton of them. I learned this the hard way, but since the urge for a burlesque night came upon me all of a sudden and I couldn’t find my bag of balloons (although I’m sure I have them somewhere), I had to make do with what I could find at the local hardware store.

3. Buy some ostrich feathers.

4. Blow up the balloons. All one color is a nice look, or you can mix and match.

5. Sew the ends of the balloons to the edges of your bra set. Try to space them evenly. Be alert to the fact that lingerie stretches – make sure you’ve allowed enough give in your stitching to allow for this. Otherwise, you won’t be able to get the outfit on. I learned this because, trying to work fast, I did a simple looping stitch, figuring it only had to last a short while. Big mistake – better to have spent a little time spacing it out and stitching it down solidly. That would have kept me from having to re-sew on a bunch of balloons that fell off the instant I tried on the costume. (It would help not to poke the center of the balloons with the needle, too, but that’s the kind of thing I know and do anyway.)

6. Make a tail out of a few ostrich plumes, tape the quills together, and sew the tail to the center of your thong/panty/boyshort. Keep an extra plume to tuck into your hair.

7. Use a vintage hat pin (if you can find one) to pop the balloons, or try a feather with a particularly pointy quill. In a pinch, you can also tape a pin to the end of the quill so it can pop the balloons more easily. If this is, indeed, for a private performance for that special someone, you can let your sweetheart pop the balloons. Of course, there’s no reason this can’t be a costume for a real performance, in which case it’s up to you to decide who pops your balloons.

8. Put on some big band, burlesque music and strut your stuff!

And, voila!, instant burlesque diva. You know you’ve got it, girl!

Pin Up and Punk Chic

It’s always the wild girls who wear the fun clothes. They’re the ones that are in-your-face sexy, not under anyone’s control, and they invariably like to make a statement.

So it should come as no surprise that today’s cutting edge women are harkening back to the spirited women of bygone eras who used their wit, their style, and their sex appeal to break through cultural norms and be the women they chose to be.

Combining the zingers of Mae West, the presence of Marilyn Monroe, and the flirtatious sex appeal of Bettie Page, these modern pin up girls are proud of their curves and their sexuality, and they love to be the center of attention. Whether by adorning themselves with tattoos or strutting their stuff on stage as part of a nouveau burlesque troupe, these women dare you to see them as they see themselves – and to love them for it.